Without You
by Crazy4Animation
Summary: Kyoko's gone and Ren is left behind miserable, feeling endless remorse for losing her because of his own foolishness. One-shot.


**Disclaimer:** **I don't own skip beat or any of its characters.**

 **Warning:** **Tragic story. Be cautious.**

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 **"Without you"**

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It was another normal morning. The air was chilly. But abruptly, everything became silent as a 24 years old man stepped out of his car, holding 3 years old amber eyed black haired boy in his arms and walked into the grove of trees.

Ren Tsuruga, Hizuri Kuon or RK. Dark haired, green eyed man who had everything just 3 years ago but lost his special someone he would give up everything for.

Just 3 years ago, he was convinced that nothing could go wrong. He was most desirable bachelor of Japan. He had fans, he had fame but he lost everything since the day he lost his loved one.

Now he was just a walking corpse. He was dead internally. He was already too dead to be saved. He was just putting up with his life, struggling and forcing himself to live because he had to.

He kept walking. His footsteps made noise, disturbing the silence around him as dry fallen leaves crunched under his shoes.

Ruffling his adopted son's hair gently, he looked up at the towering trees and breathed in the fresh morning air.

He'd come for a visit. This place was special, like an entrance to paradise, place where they met for the first time as children in Kyoto.

He came to visit often, usually twice a year. He continued walking until he reached in the middle of the clearing. Where just a distance away, under the grove of shady trees rested his sleeping beauty in her grave. His Kyoko. It was place where he'd buried her. Her grave at their memorable place which they both shared as children.

He'd finally reached his destination. He'd come to pay a visit to his loved one. He'd come to talk to her again in order to shed some tears off and get rid of depression.

He knelt down and touched the carvings of gravestone with his hands, trying to seek some warmth.

"Mogami Kyoko"

He read the carved name and tears threatened to escape his eyes.

He sat beside her grave and placed his son in his lap as he looked up to floating leaves above them. Right next to her grave, beautiful flowers were planted everywhere. It was something he did whenever he came to visit her.

This place was like his home and he liked to spend almost his entire day there, lost in thoughts.

Giggling of his son disrupted his thoughts and he leaned down to kiss his cheek as the little one played with his finger happily.

His son, someone he was living for and dragging himself to face the world even though he really didn't want to.

Kyou, his little one, the reason of his existence. Someone whom he'd come to love more than himself after Kyoko.

He'd named his adopted son, RK Kyou because Ren Tsuruga and Hizuri Kuon both had died long ago. They had disappeared; the only one left was RK, the novelist who'd changed his looks a little bit. It was an excuse for him to run away from his misery. He was hiding himself again, shielding himself from bitter reality of life.

Hizuri Kuon didn't exist anymore. Nobody knew where Ren Tsuruga disappeared either. He'd thrown everything away, his family name, his acting career, his life, his happiness, everything and vowed to remain single for the rest of his life, because he didn't deserve love. He didn't deserve anyone in his life that's why he adopted an abandoned infant from orphanage whose eyes reminded him of Kyoko and settled himself in France. He wore wedding ring in his hand to keep women away and a heart-shaped pendent around his neck which contained picture of him and his Kyoko. Even though he couldn't get any chance to marry her but for him, she was the only one. He refused to look at someone else. He didn't deserve to, not when she'd died because of him.

What was he doing when she was getting attacked by Kimiko and her crazy girl gang? Kissing some random woman to get over his jealousy of Sho and Kyoko's possibility of romantic involvement? He wasn't even there to protect her from the attack.

They bullied her and beat her up badly. Before his manager Yashiro could do anything to rescue her, they pushed her off the building and she fell down in the arms of death.

He felt sick when he found out about the incident and rushed to hospital to see her only to find her dead.

His world crumpled down before his eyes. He didn't deserve to be in love because he didn't know how to treasure it.

He lost her and himself too. He died the day of her death, never to feel the emotion of love again.

Nothing was left inside of him. He was empty, just a hollow cracked shell so he left everything behind, said his farewell to everyone and disappeared to dissolve himself in darkness of never ending remorse.

He was known as RK, the famous novelist of France who was an award winning author of several novels but his masterpiece was "Without You", his top novel, telling the story of a broken man who kept dwelling on his past and couldn't focus ahead of him thus ended up losing his loved one. It touched his fans' heart because it felt so real and so emotional but they didn't know that the novel was based upon his own life, his tragic love story where he'd lost his love lady because of his dense head and stubbornness.

"Kyoko…." Ren whispered and bit his lips as he constantly tried to shake away bitter memories of her death.

His heart drowned. "I miss you so much Kyoko. I want you to come back to me but I know it's impossible"

"You always make me feel so emotional and alive, even if you're not around. Visiting you brings back happy memories" It was then he allowed his hot tears to fall after holding them back for a long period.

They dripped down his cheeks slowly and landed on the sleeve of his jacket. It seemed as though his tears would continue falling for eternity.

He looked down as his bangs covered his eyes and broken form. He chuckled warily "You're the only one who can bring out intense emotions and make me cry"

Strong wave of wind started to blow and dried his tears. To him, it felt like Kyoko's gentle hands trying to wipe away his tears.

"Thank you for being with me. Thank you for coming into my life. I am sorry I couldn't treasure you." Tears flowed freely once again as he broke, holding his little squirming son for dear life.

"Boss told me you loved me. He gave me hard time after your death. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep it all inside and didn't confess? I never got the chance to tell you that I felt the same way. I never had any relationship with Morizumi. It was all misunderstanding. I'm so sorry for making you feel left out and hurt." he hiccuped and scrubbed his tears away.

"I was jealous. I couldn't accept the thought of you loving Fuwa. I saw him kissing you on set and got outrageous. I was out of mind and conflicted that's why I let that unknown actress kiss me. I was on fire because of my possessiveness that's why I ignored you. I tried to get over you but failed, the more I tried to forget about you, the more deeply I fell in love with you. I was pissed off and out of focus. I am sorry I didn't know you felt the same way."

It was still hard for him to accept it but he knew Kyoko would always remain in his heart. She was still somewhere, watching over him.

He never wanted to think about taking his own life because he knew Kyoko would greatly disapprove it.

He was forced to live for Kyou and Kyoko even though he desperately wanted to join her up there.

"Kyoko…." his chest hurt and felt heavy. "I miss you. I love you. I'm so lonely without you but I can't bring you back. If there's next life then I'd like to be with you again"

He remembered how he'd rushed to hospital and how hard he'd screamed when the doctors told him that they couldn't save her. She'd breathed her last in operating room because her injuries were incurable.

He thrashed and kicked the security guards to let him go and be with Kyoko, yelled and begged it all to be a nightmare but reality made him fall to his knees and sob over his loss.

Even though no one blamed him for Kyoko's death, he couldn't look at anyone in the eyes. Their eyes felt accusing. He felt like he was the one who'd murdered her not Kimiko. Kimiko and her companions were arrested and put in jail for murder but Ren could never get over his guilt. He felt himself being caged and chained behind the bars of unbreakable regret for the rest of his life.

 _Her immovable, limp body._

"Stop."

 _Her cold lifeless pale skin…._

"No stop, it hurts."

 _Her limp body hung in his arms as he couldn't find any signs of life or movement in her. Her chest didn't heave. Her eyes were closed. She was too quiet. She was so quiet and didn't move at all when he buried her in her grave and bid her farewell. He wished her to wake up and let it all be a dream but she didn't move an inch. She was long gone to rest in peace. She was too tired to stay in world of livings._

"No please, stop no more memories…" Ren shook his head back and forth violently as he tried to get rid of his bitter memories. He realized that his face was tear-streaked and his body was shaking.

Sensing his father's discomfort, Kyou started crying. Ren pulled him to his chest and rubbed soothing circles on his back to shush him down. While comforting his son, Ren's eyes drifted to Kyoko's grave again and he couldn't stop his tears from falling.

"I love you Kyoko, I miss you. I am nothing without you. I wish you were here" he closed his eyes feeling sad as he embraced his son tightly.

"I love you too" Ren heard a soft whisper coming from nearby.

Started, he looked around and was astonished to see something he hadn't imagined.

Kyoko stood there barely afar from her gravestone and was smiling at him. They were just few steps apart.

"Kyoko….?" his mouth fell open as he stared at the glowing woman before him.

"I love you too Ren. Don't hurt yourself anymore" She spoke and Ren rubbed his eyes in shock. Was he retarded? Was he being delusional? Was he drunk? Was he hearing or seeing things? How could this be happening?

"Kyoko…. you…" he started, completely surprised and got up to walk up to her while holding Kyou to his chest.

"I…." he trailed off. "I'm sorry."

"You did a great job by giving an orphan your name and place in your heart. I am so proud of you Kuon" Kyoko said smiling at him.

He stopped and stared at her bright form.

"H-How do you know-?"

"I am dead Kuon. I am free from burden of life. I can read your mind. I can feel your emotions. I can look into the mirror of your heart. I know everything about you because I am free spirit"

His eyes grew big. "Y-You…." Tears leaked from the corner of his eyes as he made an attempt to reach out for her but she started floating away from him.

"NO! Kyoko don't go. Don't leave me. I won't be able to live without you. Come back to me please. I'm sorry. It's my fault." He begged as he watched her moving away. He stretched his arms out and tried to catch her but his long legs weren't able to cover the huge distance falling between them. She flew away from him and his eyes flooded with tears as he paused to bring his panting back to normal.

"Whatever happened to me was just meant to be happened. You're not responsible for anything. Kimiko threatened to kill me because I told her how I felt about you. She pushed me out of jealousy. She was obsessed with you and wanted to have you all to herself but I wasn't afraid of her. I loved you and she was no one to tell me to forget about you"

His breath hitched as he stared at the ground and then looked at her with sad eyes.

"Live for me Kuon. I don't want to see you sad" she started fading away and Ren tried to chase after her crazily. "Kyoko No, stop! Come back!" he shouted.

"I'll always love you my beloved. I'll wait for you to come and join me. We'll meet again in next life. Don't punish yourself anymore and live. You'd put my restless soul at rest when you buried me yourself. I feel free now. I don't feel pain anymore. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me love you. I know how you feel and I want you to know that I feel the same way. I'd been waiting for you to say those three words and now I am free to go rest in peace. We'll meet again in next life hereafter. Till then, farewell my love" Ren could only hear her voice because she'd disappeared and was nowhere to be seen. There stood only him alone and no one else.

His legs gave out and he fell to his knees. He clenched his little one in a bear hug as they both cried.

"Kyoko, you asked me to live but without you, there's no Kuon. I am already dead. I can't imagine happy life without you but I am living, for Kyou's sake and for yours" tears kept coming and he kept crying, losing track of time as he shattered into pieces because he knew that he had a long burdened life to live without her and perhaps, he would never be able to see her again.

 _Without you, there's no life._

 _Without you there's no peace._

 _Without you there's no happiness._

 _Without you I don't feel like getting up._

 _Without you, there's only darkness._

 _Without you, my sleep is dreamless._

 _Without you, the only thing I_ _can have is nightmares_.

 _Without you, I'm alone._

 _Without you, I don't exist._

 _Without you, I can't breathe._

 _Without you, life feels colorless._

 _Without you, I feel like crying._

 _Without you, I feel dead inside._

 _Without you, there's no light._

 _Without you, I feel meaningless._

Ren cried bitterly, holding onto his loneliness but his tears were endless. There was no one to wipe them off of his face. He was the one to separate himself from his loved ones so he couldn't complain.

He'd left his parents.

He'd left LME.

He'd left his friends.

He'd left his luxurious life behind.

He was all alone, trying to bring up his son and live for him. He was tired, too tired to keep going.

It was tough but he had to bear with it and lead a silent life. There was no one to take care of him anymore.

She was gone and he was left alone crying and broken, devastated and miserable because without her, his life was meaningless.

He cried infinite tears because he had to live without her.

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 **A/N: Here's another story. My mood reflects my stories. I've been in a bad mood lately so I wrote another tragic story. Original plot's been changed a bit for story's sake so you can take it as another one shot with my AU touch. Please tell what you think about it. Comments would be appreciated. I thank you all for being so supportive and encouraging. Bundle of thanks. I hope you'd read it. See you all soon.**

 **RK is short form for REN/KUON  
**

 **Take Care**


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